Simons Photography - New Zealand Photographer
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The First Selfie

The First Selfie

Snapped in New York on the roof of the Marceau Studio on Fifth Avenue, across the street from St. Patrick's Cathedral, this picture features five mustached photographers holding an antediluvian analog camera at arm's length. Because this camera would have been... Read More »

Biblical Unicorns

Biblical Unicorns

Here, for the record, are all of the unicorn mentions in the King James Bible:   Numbers 23:22 — God brought them out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of an unicorn. Numbers 24:8 — God brought him forth out of Egypt; he hath as it were t... Read More »

Do not Share This

Do not Share This

Humans are built for anarchy, if only by virtue of the fact that cogito, ergo, sum. It’s cool to have a spine and a strong sense of self, but this frequently visible tendency to rage against the machine is often counter-productive - to you, that is - i... Read More »

The Mailbox Project

The Mailbox Project

I have decided to start shooting (with camera) New Zealand mailboxes, with the intention of creating a 'coffee table' style book of interesting ones worth publishing.  At face value this might sound boring, but upon further inspection, once you think abo... Read More »

Things to do while shopping

Things to do while shopping

Set all the alarm clocks in to go off at 5-minute intervals.    Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.    Say to employee in an official tone, Code 3 out back..... run away.    Move CAU... Read More »

Whats with the clapping?

Whats with the clapping?

Why is it we strike our hands together violently to indicate we're appreciative of what someone did? It’s an odd thing, an arbitrary cultural act that could have been just about anything. Slapping knees, howling, headbutting, all could have been the tradition... Read More »

Conversation Hack

Conversation Hack

You always… or You never…    No one always or never does anything.  People don’t see themselves as one-dimensional, so you shouldn’t attempt to define them as such.  These phrases make people defensive and closed off to your messag... Read More »

How to be an Opportunistic Photographer

How to be an Opportunistic Photographer

It's all in the eyes.    I believe you first need to be the kind of person who not just notices things, but has a second look at things with an expectation of wonder, perhaps you could learn this simply by slowing yourself down a bit and really tak... Read More »

Twenty indicators that signal you may be living in the Matrix

Twenty indicators that signal you may be living in the Matrix

1. You spend most of your time devoted to paying off a mortgage rather than enjoying life.    2. You can’t wait for the weekend to come.    3. You judge your success by the car you drive, the suburb you live in, and the size of the ho... Read More »

Worlds End - What would you miss?

Worlds End - What would you miss?

So I was reading an article at http://sott.net titled 'Is something coming in September Why are so many people storing food and supplies' - This coupled with the audiobook zombie series I am currently listening to called 'Mountain Man' got me thinking... what... Read More »

That embarrassing song you like

That embarrassing song you like

Everyone has a song that they are ashamed to admit they like. My best guess its probably an 80s song.    When you consider the fact that unless a large group of people already liked that song, nobody would have heard the song at all, it would have... Read More »

Some things for you to repost

Some things for you to repost

100,000 sperm and you were the fastest? 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered... Read More »

Why does the sun shine?

The Douche Burger

The Douche Burger

New York City’s 666 Burger food truck has a treat for you. For just $666 you can purchase a foie gras-stuffed Kobe patty covered in Gruyere cheese that’s been melted with champagne steam and topped with lobster, truffles, caviar, and a BBQ sauce made with Kopi... Read More »

Facefood Shop

Dear Humanity, please stop this shit.

The Worst Sims Play

The Worst Sims Play

Years ago when I played The Sims I downloaded and added a Hacked telescope, when used at the right time, Sims get abducted by aliens and sometimes return pregnant - about 50% of the time the baby was an alien - this is where my evil plan comes in - keep repeat... Read More »

Supertroopers 2

Supertroopers 2

Fans of the 2001 Broken Lizard comedy Super Troopers have been hoping for a sequel to the film for years. While there have been rumblings and rumors since 2012, Steve Lemme has confirmed that it's finally happening. (Announcement tomorrow on Reddit).  &n... Read More »

I'm not to old for this shit

I'm not to old for this shit

I've been playing guitar for quite a while, so naturally when I meet someone eventually I'll ask if they play music. Its actually amazing how many people have responded with something like Oh I started learning guitar and its too hard or I've always wanted to... Read More »

Creative Swearing

Creative Swearing

One day someone cut me off so bad in traffic I was lost for a decent swear word to use - in a split second my brain engaged my mouth at full volume with Muppetfucker! - and so a new phrase was born.   Thinking back on this as I recently used it agai... Read More »

Spocking

Spocking

Canadians have been asked to stop drawing Leonard Nimoy-inspired Mr Spock pictures on their $5 bank notes.    For years, fans of the famous Star Trek character have been scribbling on the face of former PM Wilfrid Laurier - Canada's first Francopho... Read More »

Facebook Envy

Facebook Envy

Facebook has been criticized for making people envious and unhappy due to the constant exposure to positive yet unrepresentative highlights of their peers. Such highlights include, but are not limited to, wall posts, videos, and photos that depict or reference... Read More »

Curious

Curious

I was browsing for audiobooks the other day when I read the following about a book titled 'Curious' - I thought it was interesting.   We've come to misunderstand curiosity, mistaking diversive curiosity, our attraction to novel stimuli, as the real... Read More »

Valentines Day Origin

Valentines Day Origin

Though no one has pinpointed the exact origin of the holiday, one good place to start is ancient Rome, where men hit on women by, well, hitting them.    From Feb. 13 to 15, the Romans celebrated the feast of Lupercalia. The men sacrificed a goat an... Read More »

30 ways to lose an argument

30 ways to lose an argument

Most people enjoy a good discussion (lets call it that) or debate (that's better) however not many people like to lose one, some are graceful in defeat, and there are those special people who simply can never lose no matter what the topic is and will deliver t... Read More »

Demolition Jet Boats

Demolition Jet Boats

I used to have a category for great ideas, which after review seemed ambitious, however I do from time to time have ideas, some good, some bad, some stupid, you decide which one this is:   Demolition Jet Boats No modifications such as armour, l... Read More »

Making Money in Music

Making Money in Music

Where does all the money go?  Check out this infographic which goes some way to explain the fuck all that musicians end up with (with some exceptions). ... Read More »

Thank you

Thank you

Man! I can't believe how many views my stuff is getting! When I started this and snobbed Faceberk I really thought this place would be just me, not that I mind, this website is my journal - anyway, Thanks for using some of your Facebonk time to visit, I a... Read More »

Making Alex Famous

So I was at Albany Mall today when I noticed that the Barfoot digital display had crashed, so of course I had to investigate. I got the browser up and of course wanted to see what my own site looked like on the thing. I left it on this page: http://simonbook.co.nz/image/32/alex

New And Improved Names

Some of these are fuckin hilarious!! 

The subtle art of not giving a fuck

Despite the title I suggest you give a fuck about this article if you want to relax more with your day to day life.

People often say the key to confidence and success in life is to simply "not give a fuck." Indeed, we often refer to the strongest, most admirable people we know in terms of their lack of fucks given. Like "Oh, look at Susie working weekends again, she doesn't give a fuck." Open Link

My Next Vehicle

I have decided my next vehicle is going to be a Ford Ranger:

Wallpaper

This was on my phone, awesome. 

My Camera

This is my camera (Canon 600D) having a rest on the beach.

Facebook Trust

Interesting...

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