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"There are two wolves who are always fighting. One is darkness and despair. The other is light and hope. The question is... which wolf wins?
- The one you feed."
"The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese."
~ Gilbert K. Chesterton
"You might know what a pack of cards is, but if you dont know any games, they are just coasters."
"A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life."
~ Christopher Morley
"Raise your words, not voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder."
"Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don't mean to do harm. But the harm does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it. Because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves."
~ T. S. Eliot
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house."
~ Lewis Grizzard
"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example."
~ Mark Twain
"Right now someone who works for Facebook is getting tens of thousands of error messages and frantically trying to find the problem before the whole charade collapses. There's a team at a Google office that hasn't slept in three days. Somewhere there's a database programmer surrounded by empty Mountain Dew bottles whose husband thinks she's dead. And if these people stop, the world burns. Most people don't even know what sysadmins do, but trust me, if they all took a lunch break at the same time they wouldn't make it to the deli before you ran out of bullets protecting your canned goods from roving bands of mutants."
~ Peter Welch
"A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree."
~ Spike Milligan
"If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner."
~ Tallulah Bankhead
"The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
~ Al McGuire
"I wonder why as hip-hop got past the 1980s, that those homies didn't swap to wearing giant digital clocks around their necks..
Y'all know wut tiam it eez? 19:11pm yo!"
"If your parents didn't have any children, there's a good chance that you won't have any."
~ Clarence Day
"Songs really are like a form of time travel because they really have moved forward in a bubble. Everyone who's connected with it, the studio's gone, the musicians are gone, and the only thing that's left is this recording which was only about a three-minute period maybe 70 years ago."
~ Tom Waits
"There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die."
~ Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
"Fools take a knife and stab people in the back. Intelligent people take a knife, cut the cord, and set themselves free from the fools."
"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did - in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car."
~ Bob Monkhouse
"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
~ Albert Einstein
"If you're not willing to risk it all, then you don't want it bad enough."
"People yawning in their cars on the way to work might well be screaming."
"Nothing in the universe can travel at the speed of light, they say, forgetful of the shadow's speed."
~ Howard Nemerov
"By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out."
~ Richard Dawkins
"When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic."
~ Jane Wagner
"It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes."
~ Douglas Adams
"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for life.
Give an octopus nunchucks, no one's eating fish ever again."
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
~ Maya Angelou
"True mark of adulthood: Instead of your parents scheduling your doctor's appointments, you just avoid going to the doctor and hope you don't die."